Cut the cord and do it with style!

When the time comes for the inevitable awkward ending to the pseudo-relationship there are necessary steps one should take in order to come out of the situation with dignity, self-respect, and a dominant victory over the other party involved. The idea is plain and simple, you need to win, and win big. This is not mature, civil or really necessary, but let's all be real here, it is fucking awesome to win.

So, first thing is first, you should be the one to end things if you haven't already been beaten to the punch. It should be done face to face, as bringing the subject up through text or a phone call can lead to confusion as cadence does not often translate through those mediums. Plus, there is the inevitable verbal diarrhea (if you are like myself) that is much easier to understand when accompanied by body language.

Once you have laid down the law, the most important step is to be the one that cares LESS. Typically, you are not that attached to this person anyway so let them know that. Here are some friendly tips:

• Don't make eye contact unless speaking directly to your opposition.
• Buy a new article of clothing, it will catch their eye without being obvious (nothing too skanky ladies, please). Plus, shopping is fun.
• Use humor to your advantage. Sarcastic comments to the other person are effective, mostly harmless, and if done well, fucking funny.
  

ie: take small jabs at appearance, something stupid they have done in the past (preferably when you were pseudo-dating), or point out a small hypocrisy they exhibit. Always do this in front of people so the other person will not get defensive and make a scene. Remember, it is only funny if it is true.

• Always have a great time when you see them in group situations, but don't pay them any attention.
• Most importantly: don't sweat it. They clearly weren't that cool anyway.

romance and relationships