(Minor) Cultural Differences

Within every romantic relationship, certain characteristics are attributed to our partners from the first moments of meeting. Whether we view our significant others with eyes of lust, respect, admiration, or contempt there are emotional reactions triggered by the presence of our partners. In my recent foray back into the pseudo-dating world I found that cultural differences can affect this view, but more importantly they can mislead a person into the abyss of ignorance with regards to the intentions of your sexual counterpart.

I discovered quickly that the customary and legendary "southern manners" this gentleman exemplified rapidly faded into the ether when any issue remotely consequential arose. He was a lovely boy. Well-mannered, articulate, and cordial all executed with a charming southern accent. The kind of guy who seems comfortable in most social situations. He would hold the door, pull out my chair, and guide me to walk on the side of the sidewalk furthest from the road, but that, my friends, is essentially meaningless.

I won't lie, I ate that shit up. My country club upbringing loved it. In the depths of my crusty, white teenage fantasies I always wanted a gentleman to court me properly. You know, in that incredibly old-timey and antiquated sense that would realistically make me want to punch the guy in the face? I thought for about a second that operation "Miss Darcy and her charming gentleman suitor" was underway and according to HQ, was being executed flawlessly. Then I remembered that I am not in 19th century aristocratic England, and descended back to the world of the living, and to the world of ultimately unfulfilled pseudo dating.

When I indicated my displeasure at the arrangement we had settled into (ie mostly late night encounters in his apartment) he responded with the understandable, yet cliched reply that he was not looking for a relationship. Fine, OK, I was not looking for a big commitment either, as this was still new. All I craved was more respect and consideration than a "booty call" (I feel strange even typing the phrase) scenario.

Silence.

Have not spoken since. So that pretty much answered my question.

I don't regret getting to know this fellow for a short while. It was fun and ultimately harmless to be honest. Southern charm is real, but in my case, the results just did not live up to the hype, but few things ever really do.

I'll tell you this though, as a lady whose previous romances have mostly been ones in which two pretty good friends hang out all the time and then sometimes run into each other sideways when too many Pabsts are consumed that evening, it actually felt fucking great to finally stand up and demand more for myself. Because Dammit! It's time that I accept the fact that someone might very well like me enough to want to take me out sometimes. I wish I had learned that many years ago.

Facebook friends and pseudodating

Hello all you pseudodating folks, happy spring 2010. Today's post concerns Facebook. Yes, we all claim to "hate" it, especially now the majority of us are graduated. Nevertheless, I believe almost 100% of the people I know continue to use their profiles.

So, insert pseudodating problem. How soon is too soon to add (or be added) by a pseudodatee? I like to play hard and fast with rules, but any guidance is appreciated. I recently added one such person, after a near month and a half of pseudodating. Seems legitimate? Except...he was listed as "in a relationship"! Red flag #1, check. Yes, curiosity does kill the cat. Of course, this didn't stop me, instead I viewed it as a challenge of sorts.

Red flag #2, being deleted as his Facebook friend after a night of drunken tiffs. What's the deal with that? Can you just go and DELETE someone you are pseudodating because of ONE BAD DRUNKEN NIGHT? Without informing said person, namely me?

Red flag #3, breaking it off in a text message. Should I be surprised that someone who would vindictively delete me as his Facebook friend would also decide that a text message was the best way to cut things off? I'll answer my own question, "no." Did it feel like I was in the 8th grade again, "yes." I guess I can always count my lucky stars that this did not occur in Facebook chat, but we'll save that whole universe for another post.

The moral of this short story is to always be wary of befriending a pseudodater on Facebook. Especially someone you happen to be pseudodating. Who is in another relationship. Who believes text messages are the best way of communicating semi-serious ideas. And, who may or may not only have one testicle.